When my wife and I purchased our home in 2017 we did so with the understanding that we would have to replace the furnace and central air conditioner unit. With the market the way it was at the time we figured: “hey, if that’s the worst thing we have to worry about whatever!” I started looking into things and so often in the apartment we lived in before our house, we never knew what the temperature was because the thermostat never seemed to work. I’m just assuming it worked somehow because we were never really cold and I always got a National Grid bill that I needed to pay every month.
I bring that up because when it came to my own house, I was determined to have control over the whole system. I wanted to be able to have the power to affect my heat, my cold air, my humidity or lack thereof all from the press of a button no matter the season or condition. The truth is that it wasn’t until our HVAC tech and family friend confronted me and said something to the tune of “do you understand how much maintenance is required to be able to do all that?”
Now listen, I’m sure you can find a hundred different articles on the internet about how little maintenance a whole home humidifier probably is. But the fact of the matter is that the situation happened for a reason and the question asked was for a reason. The mere thought of the fact mold could grow and pass through the ducts into the air if maintenance went undone was surely enough to change my mind. Therefore, we were ultimately left with safer yet much less satisfying option of portable humidifiers.
The reason I’m bringing this story up is early in the month of January, we finished a time of prayer and fasting as a church as we do every January. “The fast” as we refer to it, it is always a bittersweet time for me just because of the fact that as a happy eater, it’s hard to say goodbye to certain foods. However, it is truly some of the most precious moments of the year. This year in particular, God revealed many things to me mainly about how much I am an absolute control freak. If that wasn’t inferred from the simple fact that I want to have the power to change humidity down to a percentage point, I don’t know what will. The truth is I don’t want to control just humidity, I want to control anything and everything.
My heart’s cry for this blog as a whole and even in the time to come is to help anyone reading go a bit deeper in the manner of looking at how we view God. Mainly because I’ve realized how jacked up my view of Him has been. The truth is, I lost my way in this a little bit over the last 6 months or so and it’s a burden of mine that all, but especially men, would start seeing the Lord for who He truly is.
OUR NEED FOR CONTROL
Many of my close friends know my love for Reformed Theology and Calvinism. In fact, one of them was just recently busting my chops over my lack of filter at times in regard to the subject. The truth is that he’s probably not wrong, however, I have realized I may have just walked out of my cage phase. The difference is that this cage phase wasn’t the type where I started a fight or argument with every Arminian or non-reformed person I could find, I started a fight with myself in my view of God over and over again.
This really started when back in October I was informed at work that I made a very serious error and in this scenario, I could have harmed another person. These are the moments that truly shape your faith. The real question became:
“how does one who completely believes in and argues for God’s total sovereignty wrestle with cause and effect from their own actions?”
Needless to say, there were many sleepless nights, many arguments, many tears, and thank the Lord for my wife who was able to talk me down so many times. Even someone who, could be so solid in his belief that God is in control, started to doubt how much He truly could be. If He truly was in control that much, why on earth would I have been allowed to make that mistake? Why on earth would I have to endure the shame and fear of what could have happened to my job, etc.
This instance affected every other aspect of my life and I feel like I constantly had to battle thoughts of is God truly in control? When you hammer home theology so much without any development of a personal relationship with the father, there are moments where you forget your relationship with the Lord. You forget to see him for who he truly is.
I love what JI Packer says in his book, Knowing God:
“Interest in theology and knowledge about God and the capacity to talk well on Christian themes is not at all the same as knowing God. We may know as much about God as Calvin knew, indeed if we study his works diligently sooner or later we shall, and yet all the time, unlike Calvin we may hardly know God at all.”
The problem here in my situation is the fact that I lost sight of the fact that God is truly a GOOD God, a LOVING God, and one worthy of trust and praise. In my need to know the outcome of the situation on my time, I would neglect prayer and settle for anxiety. The truth is that in the midst of our hardest circumstances we truly see where the object of our faith lies: trust or control.
WHY WE NEED CONTROL
Let’s face it: control is a drug. When we are anxious, we think about what COULD happen or what MIGHT happen in any given circumstance we completely check out from any relationship with God. We take matters into our own hands and forget to even say the simplest of prayers to the almighty creator and sustainer of the universe.
In my case, it wasn’t until my wife confronted me and admonished me that my fingers are going to break if I clenched my fist any tighter than I was already clenching. In those moments of “what if,” our fear takes us places that are completely irrelevant to what we might even be dealing with. The saddest part is that we actually believe that we have any power or substance to make things right or correct course. The truth of the matter is that the Lord has to do that for us.
We take on this guilt as men that we have to provide. We have to have all the right answers. We have to know exactly what the plan is going to be and how we will accomplish it without any setbacks. I don’t know if maybe this isn’t how you might live your life, but it surely is a picture of how I live mine not being surrendered to the Lord at times. We let our uncertainty and fear of failure take over.
Why do we do that you might ask? In my opinion there is a simple answer and it is because we view God not as the supreme Alpha and Omega, but, as no different than our earthly father. While many of us, including myself, have amazing earthly fathers – the problem is they are fallible and let us down from time to time. We then take that view of failure and apply it to God. We unfortunately attempt to punish God for our circumstances and shake our fists at Him when things aren’t going perfectly right for us.
GOD’S GOODNESS IN SPITE OF OUR SIN
In one of the most stunning scriptures in the Bible and one of my favorite chapters I am humbled and reminded of my place in this universe. After many dialogues with God, in His goodness, He responds to Job and starts the beginning of a very powerful assertion of role with a simple question:
4 “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.” – Job 38:4 ESV
For me, I read that and I start babbling to the Lord a million run-on sentences of regret for shaking my fist at Him and questioning what He does. I recently went through the book of Micah with another friend and I just happened to be captivated by this particular verse as well:
12 But they do not know the thoughts of the LORD; they do not understand his plan, that he has gathered them as sheaves to the threshing floor. – Micah 4:12 ESV
The truth of it all is that there is an epidemic in our current culture that we need to know all of the answers and we need to know them now. We need to arrive at our destination now. We have no patience, we have no desire to be molded, and we have no acceptance let alone, tolerance for discipline from the Lord.
5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” 7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. – Hebrews 12:5-11 ESV
We have forgotten that passage right there. Hard times, discipline, seasons of trials and crucibles, PRODUCE THE FRUIT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.
How humbling is it to know that we get to share in His holiness? Maybe that doesn’t resonate with you, but for me – I deserve nothing, yet God chooses to afflict me not to hurt me, but to shape me more into His image. He does the same for you, for all of us that are His children.
I have learned through this crucial time and season of clenching my hands that the most beautiful thing I can do is open my weary fist and lift those arms and pray. Offer prayers to the Lord and allow Him to work in me.
2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. – Colossians 3:2-4 ESV
God is such a good and gracious God that through the atonement and reconciliation of our sin, we now are seen by Him in His son, Jesus Christ. The one who became a curse for us to take our sin and offer us His righteousness so that we may live. What are we to do when times get rough? We are to set our minds on Him. We are to remember that we are His and through every moment of our life, He is there and it is not for nothing.
Despite the situation you may find yourself in as you read this, I challenge you to take a look at the way you have viewed God. Do you personify Him as one who is cold and withholding? One who subjects you to pain for no reason? I challenge you to shift that perspective to see Him for who He is: loving, patient, kind, devoted, all-wise, and un-changing. The pruning is not for nothing, it’s for our sanctification; and all sanctification is is the process of making us what we already are, heirs in the Glory of God.
God bless you,
BMT.
The Fire & The Flood 